Introspection of the outer world

We observe with our senses. Don't we? We have five senses: hearing, seeing, tasting, smelling, sensing. But these senses do not really sense! They just transmit signals to the brain. How the signals are interpreted by the brain, causes us to sense something. It is known that the pain threshold increases when we are relaxed. We can endure more pain in a relaxed state. We can also get used to feeling something, like the clothes we wear, so that it seems we do not sense them. Therefore, our sixth sense is our brain. Do we know what our brain senses?

Our brain senses all the information that it receives. If the brain senses something, it makes us aware of an interpretation of what it senses. The brain produces a thought and it produces an emotion. But some things the brain senses and does not make us aware of it, unless we focus on it. Like the impulses the brain gives to the heart to beat, or our lungs to breathe. And think of all the other things that the body does, such as digestion. Most of these processes are (at least partly) supervised by the brain.

Notice that what we sense is NOT the outer world. But we sense something that we think is positioned outside of us. But who really knows 'where' something is? Who knows what is real? Whatever our brain tells us, is but a way to cope with what is called 'reality'. However, we register and we interact with reality, whether it is internal or external. How do we interact?
We interact with reality by interacting with our interpretation of reality. This is important to become aware of. Because we have become used to interacting with the interpretation of reality, it is our interpretation of reality that can change in order to change reality. This is not some infinite regression or nonsense. If we change our interpretation of reality, reality responds differently. This is a secret and it holds as its germ your happiness.

The question becomes how to change your interpretation of reality, if all you have is partial information. Realize that your thoughts and emotions are registered by your brain. I found that my emotions are reactions to my thoughts most of the time. If on the other hand, I consciously focus on a positive emotion, my brain registers different thoughts! And those thoughts that are produced when I feel happy, are also thoughts that make me happy.

Normally, you are not aware of your thoughts and how they influence how you feel and what you do. If you pay more attention to them, you will find, that you think a lot of things. You think them and they are real to you. What you think is real, what you feel is real, because you do not doubt their reality. It is a two-way experience: thought + emotion. That is, you do not question your thoughts, especially those thoughts that you are convinced are true. Nevertheless, have you felt sad, pondering about something that you know is true? Have you ever felt upset that reality did not match your thoughts, your principles? Have you ever felt upset at a time when you defended your thoughts against different ones? If you remember when that happened, note that your brain was registering emotions and thoughts. You were speaking (or thinking) your mind, but you were upset. Your emotions that went along with the thoughts were not positive - you were not comfortable with them. What does it tell you?

There is an important lesson to be learned from this. Your emotions register the quality of your thoughts. If you are happy you have 'high quality' thoughts. If you are upset you have 'low quality' thoughts. If you can pinpoint what you are doing at any such time, you can reverse the process. You can feel happy and produce high quality thoughts. To do this, please interrupt your mind when it is running on autopilot producing low quality thoughts. You know what I mean, it is when you can't stop beating yourself or somebody else up and feel frustrated.

Low quality thoughts make you feel sad, upset, angry and the like. High quality thoughts make you feel at peace with yourself and others, they produce joy, happiness, enthusiasm and the like. The only thing you need to do when you get upset by your own thoughts - and if you get upset that is always the case, because if you get upset for any reason, it is ultimately because you think certain things at the time, and those thoughts are yours, even if those thoughts were triggered by something or somebody you observed with your senses - is to let them go and accept that reality is not agreeing with you. This realization may temporarily hurt your ego, but if you let the thought go that hurts you, and you accept that there is a different thought that can make you feel at peace and relaxed, you might hunt for that thought and find it and think it instead and feel at peace. A good way to hunt a high quality thought is to relax and concentrate on feeling at peace with yourself. This costs a considerable effort if you have never done this before, but it is worth more than a single try. If you can do this continually, you are at peace all the time, because you have trained yourself to be happy by then, because you replaced all 'low quality' thoughts by 'high quality' thoughts. Then you can think what you want to think all the time, because it brings you peace.

Ultimately, you should decide what you think and what you feel. But if you do not decide what you think and feel and instead you let your thoughts and emotions dictate your reaction, who decides for you? What bizarre program is running in your head that you would allow your integrity to be undermined by some 'mere' (your!) thoughts and emotions? If you don't like them, change them. You can do it in the same way you created the thoughts and emotions you don't like, except that now you need to feel postive (at peace) when you create new thoughts. And keep doing it every time it is needed... for hours, for days, for months, for years. It becomes easy to be at peace after a while ;-).

You only have your inner representation of 'reality'. And that inner representation is what you deal with. You do not deal with reality itself, because you do not know what reality really is. So, if you are able to deal with your inner representation of reality to such a degree, that you can choose to have peace with whatever you think and feel, then you are free. At peace, you become a full representative of reality. Because reality is at peace with itself.

Reality embraces you for you to embrace it and have peace.
And with the arrival of your peace, world peace comes one step closer.

Vision

When things happen according to your vision, what does it mean?
It means your vision is correct, doesn't it?
Well, it depends.

Sometimes you distinguish something in your vision that you do not recognize. What are you going to do about it? If you ignore it, you still remember your impression of it. But since you did not recognize it, what are you supposed to think about it? So, the only thing you can do, is to move on. An annoying memory of this strangeness in your vision keeps you locked in the past and you wonder when you will be free to enjoy your vision in which everything you see you also recognize, i.e. that everything happens according to your vision.

Now, when you open your eyes you see a reflection of your vision. And there it is, that strangeness. It is right in front of you. Strange... It is there to show you that it's not strange. It is there to show you that it is part of your vision. It is there to show you in an intricate way that although you did not recognize it at first, you can not ignore it. So, there it is, the strangeness. And you start to get used to it.

At first you may be scared. That's why you close your eyes again sometimes. But the more often you open your eyes and the more often you look at the strangeness, the more acquainted you will be with it. In a way, you are getting used to it and you can see all aspects of it. Strangeness becomes normal.

Now, when you open your eyes, you know there is that strangeness, right in front of you, but now you are familiar with it. In a way it is not strange any more. You do not have to ignore it, you know its properties. You learned something. Ah! It was a lesson!

Now, when you close your eyes, you remember your vision. The strangeness is there, but now you know what it taught you. You substitute the strangeness with your understanding of what you learned about it. To your amazement, it disappears from your vision.

Now, when you open your eyes, nothing is strange and everything is according to your vision.
What you see is what your vision is. It's your vision and you are the visionary.

Mind is a Myth

(See Mind is a Myth)

"When the Aleph erupts, no Beyt (house) remains and even the Reysh (head) is restructured - leaving the individual senseless and a singularity - the incorporated Aleph. It is an inverse creation: uncreated." (my formulation)

Reading about the experience of U.G. Krishnamurti (July 9, 1918 - March 22, 2007), not to be confused with Jiddu Krishnamurti (May 12, 1895 - February 17, 1986), I felt a deep empathy for this man. His inner restructuring is so radical, that it took him years to recuperate - but this word 'recuperate' must be understood here as making him without experience. His state is a possibility - as he proves - that I would call an incorporated Aleph. Words being utterly meaningless, since Aleph is infinite, there is no definite state, neither is there a description. Nevertheless, working with the paradox, allows us to assign a symbol, Aleph.

His nature is Adam and as one can read that means androgynous. Gen 1:27 is repeated in

Gen 5:2 - Male and female created he them; and blessed them, and called their name Adam, in the day when they were created.

This verse is not about two persons, this was about a single person - Adam.

To give an impression of the way an Aleph talks, consider the next statement by U.G.:

"I have no message for mankind. But of one thing I am certain, I cannot help you solve your basic dilemma or save you from self-deception, and IF I CAN'T HELP YOU, NO ONE CAN."

To be an Aleph installs the awareness of utter powerlessness resulting from having all the powers of the Universe resolved in you. There are no contradictions, therefore there are no solutions. There are no illusions, therefore, no lessons. There are no questions, therefore, no answers. This is a terrible realization. But some call it bliss. Yes, it's your pick. You may ask what these words mean. Consider it homework.

Now, if you ask an Aleph something, you get an answer that you do not consider an answer. But listen carefully! You missed the answer already. The frequency in the response is so high, so utterly destructive, that only if you join this state of mind, you will be safe. Consider yourself. Why would you ask something in the first place? Do you think anybody knows the answer to your question? What do you really mean? What is there to know that you find so important to know? What you want to know is not the answer to your question. No, you want to know your own answer, dug up from your inner knowledge, because only then could you possibly recognize the answer if it came to you. So, instead of asking it - putting it into words for others to hear - keep your question inside, keep it locked up in your head and let it come to life! Your questions are valuable, but you kill their life by putting them into words. Your words, as powerful as they are, they kill the power of Aleph residing in you.

Now, the dilemma of self-deception hides in your perception of the difference between question and answer. Your question arises from deep within you, unspeakable. This dragon is surfacing and you take resolve to fight it. You are going to slay it. You are going to kill it. You are, simply, going to put it into words. Dead! No question in your mind remains, but lying as dead meat in front of you. What have you done? You killed a question! "Who cares, it's just words?" you ask. There you go, self-deception. What do you think constitutes your question?

Never will you heal, if you do not keep your words as treasures inside. When you're finally healed, your words do not have the destructive power to kill your questions - now they will carry all the power that you represent!

OK, so you don't ask the question - you are determined to find the answer, but you won't ask it. What is going to happen next? You have convinced yourself of the importance of that question. You are going to do some research and soon you find that there is no single answer to it. You refine your question, over and over again. And over and over again, you can't find a satisfying answer, because you find that still, the question does not allow for a single answer. Don't you see? You suffer from self-deception again. You have all the answers, but you don't see them. You search for answers, you find them, but you do not see them as answers. You keep looking and suffer from self-deception.

The dilemma you're facing: What constitutes your question? The answer, the feeding ground of the dragon, is hidden, but nevertheless strengthened the dragon to appear. Those two, the feeding ground and the dragon are best left alone. Look closer, deep inside. Then your self-deception will vanish and with it the dilemma. Because the two will vanish and be destroyed by their own force. Destruction in this sense is the resurrection of the incorporated Aleph!

You did it before. Do you remember?

Promise or Commitment

There is a subtle difference between the two. Look at these Scriptures and let us try to understand them.

Mat 5:34 - But I say unto you, Swear not at all; neither by heaven; for it is God's throne:
35 - Nor by the earth; for it is his footstool: neither by Jerusalem; for it is the city of the great King.
36 - Neither shalt thou swear by thy head, because thou canst not make one hair white or black.
37 - But let your communication be, Yea, yea; Nay, nay: for whatsoever is more than these cometh of evil.

To swear is to take an oath, which in fact is a kind of promise. When you do an oath, what are you doing? For instance, you say you swear that you won't do something, or you swear that you will do something. What happens? Let us consider both cases.

In the case that you swear you won't do something, you have used the words 'do something' so the thing you swear you won't do has left your mouth already. You may argue that there is no other way to say you won't do it, then to call the very thing you won't do by its name. That is true, but what it does is that you have confirmed in your mind the connection between you and that action and put it into words. In other words, you have come a step closer to actually doing it! Also, you have put up a certain resistance in the way you will act, but there are always situations where you might have to do the thing that you swear you wouldn't because there is a greater cause. For example, you swear you won't steal. But suppose you could steal the weapon of somebody and report it to the police, then you would not steal that weapon to have it for yourself, but in order to save people from harm. Nevertheless, you stole the weapon and you broke your oath. What does that do? When you break your own oath you send a subconscious message to yourself that you can't be trusted and this undermines your strength unless you consciously surrender to the higher truth and you know how to undo your oath. But if this is what normally happens when you take an oath, it is clear that there is no point in taking an oath in the first place.

Now, in the case you swear you will do something, again, what you are saying is an impossibility, because you are talking about the future. Since you needed to say the oath to force reality to favor you in order for you to be able to fulfill your oath, you are in effect saying that you deserve an opportunity to act according to your oath. However, given the current situation, you have already admitted to your mind that you have no power over the situation, and that is why you resorted to taking the oath. Again, you are undermining yourself and instead you are empowering reality to postpone that opportunity, because in your reality this opportunity is not yet present, so it will remain distant for you, because you took an oath. Again, if this is what normally happens when you take an oath, it is clear that there is no point in taking an oath in the first place.

In both cases, your oath is of little value. One could argue that it is the intention that counts, and that is right, when you realize that the intention is in fact the only thing that counts. If that is the case, that you intend to change, then there is a whole different dynamic. You can say 'Yes, I intend to reach that goal.' - this is a positive formulation. If you feel that intent, you can decide in the present and in any future how to align your actions towards your intent, bringing your goal closer to you. The difference with an oath is that with an intent you are free to choose the actions that align with your intent, while with an oath you seem to want to force a thing and you create an unconscious resistance that might block you to reach that goal. An intent is more flexible; you can always change your intent and explain that in terms of having found a higher truth, including your previous intent.

It follows that you can not intend to not do something. To intend to not do something is like opening a door towards a myriad of alternatives that you could do, but there is no focus. It is better to intend the things that you can do. In that way, you can use intent to change your behavior. For example, instead of intending not to smoke, you can intend to do certain exercises or attend a sports club to change your physiology. Or instead of intending not to eat too much, you can intend to eat healthier and formulate what that means to you. And so on. When your intents are positive in this way, you increase the energy you spend on things that you want with less time to spend on the things you want to change.

Formulating positive intentions for yourself makes it easier for you to reach a goal. Negatively formulated intentions do not help you. Positive intentions are the things you can really commit yourself to, that is, they help you spend your energy towards a continuous increase of that which you intend. In this way you will always succeed in the things you intend. That is called commitment.

It follows that when you are asked to comply to anything, you can answer yes or no in alignment with your commitment. This has two benefits. First, before answering you remind yourself of your commitments. And second, your answer is always in line with your commitments. Both of these facts give momentum to your commitments and give you the opportunity to become honest with yourself.

Do we have one past?

So, what if there is a chance that our realities evolve apart from eachother, but that they change when we interact with eachother in ways that are beneficial for both of us? It may be that you have a possible future and I have a possible future in which I never see you, but you are miserable. Now that I made a decision to meet you, because it felt good, your presence in my awareness collapses some of the possible futures and they crystallize in your mind as memories of certain events. When I ask you about those events, you can share your memories of certain events in your past that are favorable for you. But if you wouldn't have met me, you would have told a completely different story to somebody else, because your past would have crystallized in a completely different way. Did I prevent a less favourable outcome of a possible future, by acting on a positive feeling and because you responded to it in an agreeable way, so that you actually remember the positive outcome of an event that in a slightly different future would have crystallized as a less favorable event in your past?

I ask if it is possible that the memories you have at any given moment are suitable to explain the reality up to now or that this only holds for the part of your past that is part of some other persons' life. Might it be that your most private memories are actually the ones that change all the time, because the events giving rise to these private memories haven't been interacting with others? When you start meeting other people, it might be that your memory starts changing and that you 'remember' certain events that in other possible futures would never have happened!

This is powerful stuff and I can't stress enough that something like this seems indeed to be happening. It means that we do not seem to be aware of our past and that it actually may change over time in that you will remember different events as if they had happened (and when you do remember, they did happen) but if you met some other people, you might remember other events or the same event with a different conclusion (and the former event never happened, because you remember it differently). How the events change, that you think make up your past, is part of the working of the Universe. I am not saying that I completely understand the ramifications of this, if it were true, but I am only trying to give you an idea of what I am thinking about in terms of how we relate to the Universe and how past and future are interwoven.

If I can find myself remembering the past differently than I know I remembered it in a less remote past, then I must not think to myself that I have remembered it wrong now or that I remembered it wrong then, but instead that my past has changed and I am aware of that change, since the memory of the event has changed. This could help us to overcome pain. Let me explain.

If you have pain over a traumatic event, and suppose that somebody asks: "Are you in pain now?" Suppose you say "yes", the next question is: "What exactly is it that hurts you now?"
And you will have to think about it. You must then admit that what hurts you is what you think about the past that happened to you (and it did). But it is still a thought about the past that hurts you, right? It is not anything in the present that hurts you, because now you are safe.

So, the next question would be: "Do you have the power to choose a thought that does not hurt you?" If the answer is yes, then it is clear that doing the exercise of finding thoughts that do not hurt you, in fact uplift you now, because you shift to thoughts that do not hurt you. Therefore, it points to a remedy to the hurt that the past may inflict on you. Eventually you will have learned that the past can not hurt you, when you presently choose to think uplifting thoughts. This means that you have the power to choose a thought that makes you feel happy at any time you deem it necessary.

At first you may use happy memories to trigger your happy feelings. If you are able to remember an event that made you happy, how does it make you feel that you remember that event? In itself it may not make you happy at once, but then I can ask if you remember how you felt in that event. If you do and you are able to feel the same feeling as the memory suggests that you had, you have successfully recreated the feeling of happiness, using a memory of a happy event. It proves that now, in this moment, you have the capacity to feel happy. Do you see what you are capable of?

Eventually you will not need a memory of a happy event, but only the capacity to generate a happy feeling. Then you are changing reality, because you have changed the way you feel! Now that you have changed that and changed the way you think about your feelings, you will experience other things that reflect to you the way of thinking and feeling that you have acquired. These events will be different and in support of your new beliefs about who you are and how you deal with happy and painful events in your past. Thanks to H.

Vanity of words, vanity of letters

When growing up, I pondered about the alphabet in a philosophical mood already. Consider that the alphabet has some 26 letters. The English words that can be formed with them are documented in the dictionary. So, looking up these words, one 'knows' every English word and is able to form any sentence according to the grammar of the English language. What, I asked myself, could be said at all that is not a mere repetition of what has already been said? After all, each word must be understood, so how could anything new be said with known words? OK, the order of words may be different. Names may change in one story compared to the next. But what - essentially - is new when you say anything? What does it mean that there is something new? The focus on this quirky realisation that nothing is new, at least not in terms of language, gave me the daunting feeling that whatever could be known, is already known. But it was a philosophical consideration.

At that young age, I did not get that it is the truth and that this truth has many consequences.

To find consequences of a certain deduction, one has to dare take the next step. If nothing new can be said, why is there room for arguments, why is there room for misunderstandings, and why does it mean that these misunderstandings dictate that we feel bad about them? Why is there room for these negative aspects, when one would expect the opposite, namely agreement.

If we are in principle capable of telling the truth, then a typical conversation would go like this:

A: [truth 1].
B: I agree, so [truth 2].
A: Ah, yes, and you can vary it like [truth 3].
B: You are so funny, this is what I remember as [truth 4].
A: Hm hm.
B: Eh eh.
[peaceful silence]

Wouldn't it be fair that we would be exchanging truths with eachother and would have to agree all the time? Now, if somebody says that reality is not like this, he is introducing a disagreement. Why? Of course, we have the choice to be true to ourselves or not. But disagreement seems to be a way of dishonesty, on one of the sides. So, I tend to resolve this by keeping in mind that what somebody tells me is the truth as he/she sees it. But some of these views are very different from my own views. It is a challenge, not to take these differences personally, nor to take them as denial of any truth.

Here's where it gets tricky. If the differences of opinion are differences of truth, what is truth? Is truth confusing? It might be, but why would it be? Why can't we agree that we disagree and that both of us hold part of the truth? Does one of the views have to prevail? It isn't possible. Every partial truth that is forced on somebody else is in denial of the truth that is suppressed. This is the nature of partiality. And as time goes by the suppressed truth will gain strength and overthrow what has been forced.

Therefore it is said that truth prevails, because truth is living; its seeds are constantly rooting in people's hearts. That's what the heart is for, as the field of truth seeds. When such a seed of truth has matured into a tree, it becomes visible. If such a tree is cut down, its roots nevertheless stay in the heart. But if a tree is uprooted completely, then there will be room for a different truth. Now, uprooting truth trees is difficult, and there is but one person that can do it. It's you. Nobody else can uproot your truth trees.

Some trees are helping you flourish, other trees are blocking your view or hinder your progress.
So, we become gardeners of our truth trees. Every tree planted in our heart is true, but not every truth is fit for every heart.

Sow courage to uproot the trees that hinder courage. Sow wisdom to uproot the trees of small mindedness. Sow love to uproot trees of hate. Sow abundance to uproot trees of poverty.

How do you want your heart's garden to look like? Start sowing and uprooting if there's something you don't like about it! Nobody can stop you, nobody can help you, nobody can force you. It's all up to you.

Will the fruit be sweet or bitter? Remember that all fruits you'll ever eat are the harvest of the trees you once planted when they were but seeds. Were you careless before? Start sowing care. Were you forgetful before? Start sowing mindfulness. Were you lazy? Start sowing enthusiasm. Were you sad? Start sowing joy.

What's the truth? Is it spelled with five letters? No, those letters are vain, the word 'truth' is vain; the letters just spell a word of five letters, and the word thus spelled is but an indication, a projection, a symbol, with nothing going for it in comparison to other words! Vain are all words, vain are all letters. The concept of truth is not in the word 'truth'. That word is but a seed and how it develops into a tree with sweet fruit depends on the other trees in your truth garden, your heart. The language of truth is a hidden language; it is not taught at home, it is not taught in schools, it is not taught in university; the language of the heart is never taught, but remembered. The fruit of remembrance of this language is faith. Faith is the knowledge of the law of growth of seeds that have been planted in your heart. And faith feeds Life.

The reversal of truth is not a lie

To investigate for oneself what Truth is, is the quest of life itself. However, on this quest there will possibly be a tool that could help or misguide you, as we allow it to determine our line of thought. This tool is called logic and I do not think I need to explain it in detail, but I mean the inference of a logical conclusion from its premises. Now, this science may be applied to life as well, but there is a danger in relying on logic. The danger is not that logic will not reach a correct conclusion from its premises, but that it does not guarantee that the premises are correct to begin with! This means, as is well known from mathematics, that the only thing that logic can do for us, is to retain within the same system of premises, as long as we keep those premises in tact. But what will happen if we find that one of the premises is wrong?

If we change one of our premises, because we have learned something, or we have experienced something, then changing that one premise, will also have a profound effect on the conclusions that can be reached after this change has been internalized. As sure as I am sitting here, the change of a single premise in your inner belief system will create a new reality for you.
When you grow up, the adjustment of premises is gradual and sometimes abrupt, but by the time you are an adult, most of your premises have become fixed. This means that when you are an adult and do not adjust your premises, your life becomes predictable! Think about it, that is a consequence of logic.

But why does it follow like this?

Is the mind logical? Is the subconscious logical? Most people will reply - without ever having thought about it - with 'no'. And that is one of the premises that reinforces the statement that your life is becoming more and more predictable. But if you start thinking about it - if you see a reason to do so, when your answer has been 'no' as well, this might be the starting point to a less predictable life for you. Most importantly, the predictable state of your life right now, might even prevent you to embrace an unpredictable life. In fact, most of us tend to establish oneself and eradicate all margins of error, all margins of surprise, all margins of the unexpected. This is called the 'good life' by many, but it has become the synonym for 'predictable'.

Here, I am not going to prove or disprove whether the mind is logical, or whether the subconscious is logical. All that I want to convey is the premise that fixed premises give fixed results over and over again.

Starting from that premise, realising that your life is a repetition of past events as long as you have fixed premises, this may eventually drive you towards your inner nature and face up to it. Your inner nature is what you made of it, there is nobody to blame, not even yourself. If you are not happy with your inner nature, why don't you change it? Any premise, as long as it is fixed, will cause an event that obstructs it; the stronger you try to retain it, the more events will obstruct it.

Everything going on inside you reflects itself in the world around you. When you can localize your fixed premises and untie them - i.e. to allow for other premises or to remove them altogether as a motivation for your actions - your life will unfold into a journey with no fixed boundaries or fixed goals or repetitive events. This is, because you have started to nourish your creativity, and your creativity will reflect in your life as surprises that lovingly teach you what the next step should be.

Being free of premises will allow you to surrender to what is, and the result will be that you will conquer your fears. Eventually, total freedom will become a possibility and perseverance to untie your premises will ensure that freedom will permeate your whole being, your whole life and your whole world.

This is my mission, to motivate people to investigate the Truth and become free.
To be free is to be free of premises; to be free of premises is to have conquered your fears; to conquer your fears requires to investigate your inner nature; to investigate your inner nature requires all your energy; all your energy is all you've got; all the stuff you've got is spent energy; spent energy is what you have focused on; what you focused on was dictated by your premises.

Without premises, you will be total focus. Miracles will happen and the best life embraces them.

The Next Step

As of today I am joining a study in Kabbalah at the ARI Institute (see links or here) for a number of reasons I like you to know.

The most obvious reason might be that it is connected to a deeper understanding of the Hebrew Alphabet. As you may remember, this is how I started this blog, to indicate a kind of cover-up of letters by the words in Scripture. At the bottom of this craving for understanding lies the belief that Scripture contains a (hidden) detailed manual of what it means to be human, not in a moral or religious context, but in a spiritual context. Whatever 'spiritual' means, it is the essence of a human being. One of the most shocking things for me has been, that the 'Old Testament', and in particular the first five books of Hebrew Scripture, called the Pentateuch, contain already everything you need to know. But I feel that this statement needs more explanation than I can put into words right now and I am working on that. In fact, that is the sole purpose of everything I do nowadays, to find ways to put into words what this means.

However, as important as the understanding of the Hebrew Alphabet is, I do not expect that it will be taught in this course on Kabbalah. So, a more important reason for me to join, is to understand better what I have been experiencing in the past year that I would call a progressive revelation of divinity. This process has had a profound influence on how I view the world, humanity and my place in it. I have not found on the Internet any better references than I have already listed in the links. There is a lot of related and unrelated stuff out there that is more confusing then helping and I have listed the references that have been of most help to me. I hope, in time, that interested readers might agree on their usefulness when they check them out for themselves.

Even more reasons for joining present themselves to me. I would like to be able to communicate better what I have been experiencing as part of my efforts to share information about what I suspect is most important to every human being, namely to know oneself profoundly. As I already know, my ability to share these things will improve my own well-being as a function of the improvement of the well-being of the people I influence. So there is really no way around it for me. As I improve my efforts, my efforts' results will improve and with time, it may prove the most exciting and fulfilling endeavor I could have ever dreamed of.

It has been an enormous relief for me to find that there are other people teaching in this area, even if it is only at the basic level. It paves the way for more profound interest among people of all nations. I admit that I at first was terrified by the idea that I could be the only one with an understanding of the profound implications of my discovery. The immense contradiction of feelings that comes with this realisation is indescribable. Not just the feeling of being alone, but knowing that I actually must face the possibility that loneliness is a fundamental property of who I am in a world full of people, is pure horror.

Happily for me, I am passed that stage by conquering this fear by embracing my experience in love. Now I feel that I am unstoppable, because this transformation of fear into love will continue forever. In fact, that which scared the hell out of me at first, has proven to be the door to another Life, where 'I' do not matter any more or less to myself than you.